Jonathan Dobres

Season 5, Episode 5. Air date: February 8, 1997.

My review of “Beyond Good and Evil” was already a million words long, so I excised an observation about how Apocalypse’s opinion of himself changes (abruptly) over that story. He starts out by telling Cable, “Evil? I am not malevolent. I simply am.” By the end of the story, however, he seems to have concluded that he perpetually struggles against lesser beings because he is an incarnation of evil, and the universe simply cannot allow good or evil to triumph absolutely. Apocalypse seemed not to realize that unmaking all of reality would certainly qualify as evil’s ultimate victory, which may explain why his intricate scheme, centuries in the making, was somehow foiled by idiots like Cable and Bishop.

All this is to say, Apocalypse has come a long way from his season 1 debut as yet another X-Men villain who wanted to make perfect mutants. He’s the closest thing this show has to a living god. Fabian Cortez says as much in this episode. Apocalypse cannot ever truly win, but nor can he ever be completely destroyed. Thus, instead of blinking out of existence at the end of “Beyond Good and Evil” like he should have, Apocalypse has ended up stuck in the astral plane (say hi to the Shadow King for me) and in need of a new body.

Cortez, last seen regaining consciousness in Apocalypse’s lair at the end of “Sanctuary”, has been acting as Apocalypse’s instrument on Earth, a fitting role for a guy I think we can charitably describe as an absolute tool. Turns out that Apocalypse has a cult of worshippers and a backup Lazarus Chamber in the Andes, and Cortez has been working toward reincarnating his boss. Everything is prepared for the grand ritual, he just needs to find a young, strong mutant capable of hosting Apocalypse’s…soul? Essence? Whatever allows Apocalypse to retain his powers and exist as a translucent ghost in the astral plane.

Conveniently, Beast and Jubilee are in South America on a research trip. Beast gets to do archeological research and Jubilee gets to practice her Spanish. The pair of them work very well as a comedy duo. Imagine Frasier Crane getting an enthusiastic intern with pyrokinetic powers. I’ll also note that this is where a new animation studio took over, so the show looks different, especially Jubilee. There are odd animation errors throughout. In particular, sometimes characters (or just parts of characters, like Jubilee’s lips here) have a glow around them for no apparent reason.

Anyway, Apocalypse needs a new body, and Cortez, borrowing a page from his new boss, has empowered four former Morlocks as his “Hounds” to find one. They don’t do a very good job of it, but eventually clock Jubilee as the perfect candidate. They assault Jubilee and Beast just after Beast realizes that the ancient tablet he’s been studying, which he initially read as dedicated to “the end of the world”, is actually dedicated to Apocalypse. This would have made for a clever reveal if we didn’t already know that Apocalypse is in this story.

Things move quickly from there. The Hounds drag Beast and Jubilee back to the temple, and Cortez uses his powers to buff Beast into a rampaging animal, who runs off. He also repeatedly insults and dismisses one of his Hounds, Caliban, whom Jubilee recognizes from “Have Yourself A Morlock Little X-Mas” (so I guess that’s canon). This is a rare instance where I wish Jubilee had been given a throwaway line to remind us about that connection.

True to form, Cortez is his own worst enemy. Caliban finally works up the courage to betray him just in time for the sacrifice, and around the same time Beast returns to the temple to join the fight. Cortez hastily depowers everyone, but by then it’s too late. The temple is collapsing (for some reason), and Cortez is left alone on the altar. You see where this is going, right? Apocalypse gleefully thanks Cortez for providing such a fine vessel, takes over Cortez’s body, and transforms into his big blue self.

It’s passable Saturday morning stuff, firmly mid-tier. Lawrence Bayne’s nutty line readings as Cortez are a highlight, as he really leans into the Jay-Mohr-doing-Christopher-Walken of it all. Beast and Jubilee’s rapport is delightful. Late in the show’s run, these two are finally popping up more frequently, and the franchise is better for it.

Stray observations:

• The members of Apocalypse’s South American cult all sport a tattoo of his signature blue underbite. There are only a couple of shots of them as a group, but even for a Saturday morning cartoon, it’s pretty unsettling!

• When deciphering the tablet that points the way to Apocalypse’s temple, Beast gives Jubilee a quick lecture on the differences between Incan and Mayan civilization. It’s nice to see the show demonstrate Beast’s intellect with something other than poetry or technobabble.

• On the toilet: Wolverine, along with everyone else who is not Beast or Jubilee. For those of you keeping score at home, this is Wolverine’s fourth absence across the whole series.