Jonathan Dobres

Season 3, Episode 19. Air date: February 10, 1996

I would say that this episode is a weird note to end a season on, except it didn’t end the season. “Love in Vain” was produced for season 3 but wouldn’t air until late in season 4. It’s a bottle episode that focuses on Rogue (or tries to) and also introduces some aliens known as the Colony, who are definitely a kid-friendly version of the Brood. I have a guess as to why this episode falls here in the production order. The previous episode, “Orphan’s End,” ties up a thread from “The Phoenix Saga” by revealing to Cyclops that Corsair is his father. In the comics, the equivalent story has Corsair come to Earth because he’s seeking the X-Men’s help against the Brood. So “Orphan’s End” and “Love in Vain” share a connection via the comics that is not at all apparent on the show (Corsair doesn’t even appear).

Anyway, this is an episode where space lizards try to assimilate the X-Men. The Colony, like the Brood, are parasitic aliens who reproduce by transforming other lifeforms into more of themselves. Unlike the Brood, who are terrifying, the Colony are ridiculous. I mean look at the Colony Queen. Look at that cape. They should have leaned into it and had her communicate with clown honks. The only obvious connections the Colony shares with the Brood are their parasitic natures and their use of giant space whales—the Acanti—for interstellar travel.

The Colony are especially interested in Rogue for her amazing strength and vitality. The Queen briefly mentions that she’s chosen her “for the passing.” Nothing more comes of the comment, but it feels like there’s a first draft of this story that singled out Rogue to succeed the aging Colony Queen. The Queen eventually says she wants all the X-Men to join the Colony, but her focus has been on Rogue for years. She’s even gone through the trouble of recruiting Rogue’s first boyfriend, Cody, to try to lure her in. The Colony is immune to Rogue’s powers, so Cody can actually touch her. It’s a great sales pitch until Cody starts succumbing to the transformation and turns into a hideous lizard.

The action in this episode isn’t really worth remarking on. There are fights, mostly with Wolverine, who discovers the Acanti ship before anyone else. He gets infected with the Colony’s spores and starts transforming, but his healing powers fight it off. Later, he’ll put his hands on Rogue to force her to absorb his powers and save her from her own transformation. The X-Men continue to fight the space lizards until Professor Xavier telepathically awakens the Acanti, which had been enslaved by the Colony. And that’s basically it. Once the Acanti is awake, the Colony are driven mad by its keening. Rogue makes one last attempt to get Cody to stay behind, but at this point he’s fully transformed and he just hisses evilly at her, which is unintentionally hilarious.

It’s not a satisfying resolution. The episode is supposed to be about Rogue, but she doesn’t have much agency. At no point does she consider joining the Colony of her own free will, nor does she directly reject them. Wolverine basically stops her transformation for her. Rogue’s abilities don’t matter at all here. Ultimately it’s Xavier who solves the problem from miles away. By the way, did you know there’s at least one Marvel universe where Charles Xavier became an Acanti? It occurs to me that the X-Men didn’t even really defeat the Colony, per se. They’re still using the Acanti for space travel, even with it awakened. So what’s going on there? Is it flying around the galaxy, slowly digesting its former masters?

The episode compares very poorly with “The Cure,” which even amidst all its action still gave Rogue some weighty ideas about “normalcy” to ponder. Sure, the Colony would have given Rogue the ability to touch others, but they’re so overtly hideous and evil that it’s not much of a choice. Imagine a version of this story where the Colony are outwardly beautiful and tempting, but still rob their converts of their free will. It’s an idea that’s been done to death in sci-fi, but it would have been a hell of a choice for Rogue, who is so frequently caught between loneliness and self-determination.

Stray observations:

• In an early scene, Gambit enters Rogue’s room to flirt with her. He finds her reading a book that you can just barely see is titled Romance Novel.

• Even the great Lenore Zann struggles to sell this shallow, poorly written episode. Though when she spots Cody from a distance (having last seen him after accidentally putting him in a coma), her delivery of, “Oh my goodness, it’s really you…Do I want it to be you?” is much better than this episode deserves.

• After his first fight with the Colony, Wolverine drags himself to a payphone to alert the X-Men. Cal Dodd’s desperate screaming, as heard from Xavier’s end of the line, is hysterical. This is happening as Rogue asks for permission to take some time off with Cody. Beast’s extremely polite attempt to get everyone to address the man who sounds like he’s dying on the telephone is even funnier.

• On the toilet: Jubilee. The episode also shows Cyclops and Jean driving off for a trip (so that Rogue can be wistful about intimacy). So I suppose that counts as explaining their absence, though it’s strange that they wouldn’t rush back from a vacation to fight hostile aliens.