Jonathan Dobres

Season 3, Episode 10. Air date: October 5, 1996

Like “No Mutant Is an Island”, this episode was written for season 3 but wouldn’t air until season 5. It’s a forgettable bottle episode with no connection to anything that’s happened in season 3. It’s almost like they recorded dialogue for it, decided against animating it, and then pulled it out of storage two years later when season 5 was looking for filler. This might explain why the episode feels like it’s been cobbled together.¹

It’s a loose continuation of “Mojovision” that also leans heavily on Longshot’s debut story from 1985. In that limited series, Longshot is an alien rebel from another dimension on the run from Mojo. Longshot’s superpower of probability manipulation lands him in modern day New York, and various adventures ensue. Despite the fact that X-Men already introduced Mojo and Longshot last season, this episode grafts on bits of his origin story, including a short-lived case of amnesia that barely matters.

This is also a very weird attempt at a coming of age story for Jubilee, as she takes driving lessons from Wolverine (supersonic jets before all-wheel drive at Xavier’s School, I guess) and crushes on Longshot. There’s a funny vibe of, “What are your intentions with my beautiful daughter?” coming from Wolverine toward the flirty Longshot, but that’s about as interesting as it gets.

Mojo follows Longshot to Earth (which he renames Terror World), intent on recapturing the rebel and making some good TV while he’s at it. It’s a whole lot of nonsense, with Mojo corrupting the environment around him as he creates a set for the X-Men to run around and fight in. It’s a disjointed mishmash of the deadly dino park Mojo has set up (Camp Cretaceous), generic robots, and a few transplanted henchmen from the comic (“This’ll look great on my resumé,” Gog says as he electrocutes Longshot). There is a brief attempt at fight choreography, but also, very stupid stuff like Longshot slipping on a puddle. Longshot’s probability-based powers and improbable luck don’t seem to show up anywhere. This episode could have been a lot more fun, and it wouldn’t have taken much. In the Ultimate X-Men comics, Longshot’s pursuers corner him, only to be struck by a very improbable bolt of lightning, for example.

Peter Wildman once again goes above and beyond voicing Mojo, making what would have been a pretty terrible episode at least a little engaging. “Action, excitement, [mockingly] not too much violence, though. Yeah we’ll leave that for the news and the talk shows!” The writers were either talking directly to Standards and Practices, or they thought they were writing an episode of Animaniacs, hard to say.

The episode doesn’t so much conclude as abruptly end, when Mojo realizes he’s about to lose and has Spiral immediately teleport him and his minions back to his home dimension. Longshot exits through the portal, bidding goodbye to the X-Men and Jubilee. The camera lingers on a rose, trying very hard to sell the idea that this was a love story and not just a Frankenstein of whatever Fox had laying around. Jubilee and Longshot have less chemistry than Beast and the spaceship from the last episode, alas.

Now That’s What I Call ’90s: Not only has Mojo set up Camp Cretaceous for the X-Men to run around in, its most dangerous attraction is a large purple dinosaur, making this a simultaneous Jurassic Park and Barney and Friends reference. My younger brother was exactly the right age for Peak Barney, and he watched it on a perpetual loop. I’ve seen enough of that godawful purple cult leader to last me a lifetime, thanks.

Stray observations:

• Longshot’s prominent blonde mullet is an overwhelmingly 1985 character design.

• “Jubilee, Princess of Pyrotechnics, commands you to release him!” I think it’s cute that Jubilee seems to be taking lessons from Storm.

• I’d like a clip of Spiral saying, “Cancel them. Cancel them all!”

• Spiral has six arms but fights with one sword. I know animation is expensive, but that seems like a real waste.

• On the toilet: Storm, Cyclops, and Gambit.