Jonathan Dobres

Part 1

Air date: October 23, 1993

In comics, no one stays dead. Implausible escapes, newly discovered powers, intentional fake-outs, divine intervention, and all manner of retcons ensure that death is temporary unless your name is Ben Parker. There are notable exceptions, of course. One of the record holders for Longest Time in a Grave is the X-Men’s own Jean Grey, who was canonically dead between 1980 and 1986 (sexy clones notwithstanding), and then again between 2003 and 2018.

Morph was never going to stay dead, but the show committed pretty hard in season one. Nobody so much as mentions them after “Night of the Sentinels”. But the writers didn’t forget. I missed it on first watch, but the “Previously On…” reminds us that in the season one finale, Cyclops charges back into the Sentinel facility, saying he’s not leaving anyone behind, “not this time.”

Morph reappears under the influence of arch villain Mister Sinister, who, in a retcon to the events of “Night of the Sentinels”, rescued them after that botched mission. Sinister is very possibly my favorite X-Men villain. Formerly Dr. Nathaniel Essex, he is a 19^th century geneticist obsessed with creating a race of superior mutants. If this sounds a lot like Apocalypse, well yes, they have an on-again, off-again thing going on. Through Apocalypse’s help and decades of self-experimentation, Sinister has achieved immortality and an imposing array of abilities, including an inhuman voice that I think sounds cool to this day. He’s a cackling master manipulator with Dr. Frankenstein’s agenda and Dracula’s aesthetic. The man is so committed to the bit that he goes by Mister Sinister despite being an actual, credentialed doctor. His henchmen are called The Nasty Boys. The Nasty Boys. What’s not to love?

Morph returns to us with a sallow complexion, sunken eyes, and a fragile mental state. Sinister has brainwashed them into believing that the X-Men deserve to be destroyed, and the thing is, the team made Sinister’s job pretty easy there. They did leave Morph behind, and everyone’s been carrying that around for a year. Mister Sinister may be skulking around in the shadows, but the real villain here is survivor’s guilt.

Part 1 of this story is mostly about reintroducing Morph and watching them use their shapeshifting powers to pull the X-Men apart like a rotisserie chicken:

• As Magneto, Morph video phones Xavier, claims he’s in mortal danger, and gets the Professor to rush off to Antarctica to help his ex. Xavier nonsensically leaves by himself rather than taking one of his trained warriors with him, but love makes you do crazy things. In any case, everyone who could have instantly unmasked a shapeshifter is gone (Jean is on her honeymoon and Wolverine has already stormed off to tear up the Friends of Humanity).

• As Rogue, Morph convinces Gambit to meet up in the rec room and kiss her (Morph knows the real Rogue is already there, sleeping). This takes Gambit out of action and makes Rogue much less effective, since she doesn’t know how to control Gambit’s powers.

• As Storm, Morph exploits Jubilee’s desire to prove herself, and her respect for Storm, to send her into a trap.

• Morph-as-Beast assures Storm he’ll be there to help her quell some anti-mutant violence. They then trap the real Beast in the Danger Room and turn all the dials to Kill.

• Finally, when it’s clear that the rioters can’t take down Storm, Morph-as-random cop instructs some nearby officers to shoot her out of the sky, putting her in the hospital.

No other antagonist has come so close to outright destroying the X-Men, and all Morph did was say the wrong things to the right people. The most dependable are made to look unreliable, friendships and intimacies are exploited, trust is violated, and the whole team gets taken out. As anyone in information security will tell you, the biggest vulnerability is people. Morph’s campaign is incredibly damaging and very convincing. Smart writing throughout.

To fulfill this episode’s Saturday Morning Action Quota, we are introduced to the Friends of Humanity, who will harass the X-Men twice in these twenty minutes (along with harassing other random mutants). They’re an anti-mutant hate group with pretty suspicious branding. Their leader, Graydon Creed, wears a red and black blazer, their logo is an eagle, they’re fond of armbands, you can’t not see it. As Xavier explains, the FOH arose in a backlash against Robert Kelly’s (now President Kelly’s) public support for mutants. The episode does a great job interweaving the FOH’s rash of violence with Morph’s campaign against the X-Men. It’s not clear how Morph knew to send an unwitting Jubilee to FOH headquarters, but it’s not exactly a secret society, and given how effective Morph is here, the off-screen reconnaissance was probably trivial.

Also in this episode, Scott Summers and Jean Grey tie the knot. Or do they? It turns out Morph was masquerading as the priest, which, as we’ll learn in Part 2, invalidates the marriage? Wolverine is so upset about the wedding that he can’t bear to attend, and spends the morning ripping apart Cyclops-themed holograms in the Danger Room (including a cool looking Cyclops/Sentinel mashup). This angst may explain why he’s especially eager to punch the FOH later on.

Now That’s What I Call ’90s: Commencing his campaign of discord, Morph rubs his hands together and giggles, “Makin’ copies,” a jarring reference which implies that both Saturday Night Live and Rob Schneider exist in the X-Men universe. This gives Cyclops’s NOT joke from the debut a run for its money as the Most ’90s Thing Possible.

Stray observations:

• We briefly see the swearing in of President Robert Jefferson Kelly. In the comics, his middle name is Edward, so “Jefferson” was definitely meant as a very ’90s reference.

• Gambit finally uses the bo staff we always see him with in the opening.

• Rogue’s difficulty with Gambit’s powers is mostly treated seriously. There are great details like her not wearing her usual gloves or awkwardly wrapping her arms around things instead of using her hands. Lenore Zann gets in a very fun line after she makes a coffee cup explode.

• Either Jean or the Professor could have sensed that the priest was Morph, but then again, they had no reason to be on alert for threats at a wedding.

Part 2

Air date: October 30, 1993

Part 2 suffers from much lazier writing, so much so that I’m surprised to find that both parts were written by the same person.

Scott and Jean get to enjoy their honeymoon for about thirty seconds before one of Sinister’s Nasty Boys (again, The Nasty Boys) wrecks their yacht. The ensuing fight, if you can even call it that, is remarkably lazy, but it does give Sinister the chance to properly introduce himself and slap some power-suppressing collars on the newlyweds. Scott and Jean have the exact right genetic material to create, in Sinister’s words, “The master bloodlines for an unbeatable race of mutants.” So he’s a lot pickier than Apocalypse, is my takeaway. Sinister extracts something from Cyclops, which looks painful, but that’s about all we see of this plan.

Meanwhile, the team starts pulling themselves back together and they begin to notice that everyone’s been acting very oddly lately. It doesn’t take long for Beast to escape the Danger Room, for Wolverine to rescue Jubilee from the FOH, for Rogue’s borrowed powers to wear off, and for Gambit to regain consciousness.

I was going to put this in the Stray Observations, but it’s too important. When Rogue angrily says to Gambit, “You snuck a kiss and got what was comin’ to ya!” his response is emphatic: “Gambit don’t never go where he’s not invited.” It’s 1993, and we’re just coming off an era when taking advantage of semi-conscious women was still considered boyish hijinks. The writers go out of their way to make clear that Gambit would never have tried to kiss Rogue (or anyone) without their consent. Listen up, ten year-old boys: Gambit is one of the cool ones, and cool people don’t do that.

Morph masquerades as Xavier to try to get everyone back on scheme, but at this point Wolverine returns with Jubilee and immediately sniffs out what’s going on. Morph makes a break for the hangar. Jubilee and Wolverine follow, leading to a great little misdirect where Morph doubles Wolverine and Jubilee has to decide which to shoot. “You’ll just have to shoot both of us,” says one of the Wolverines. Jubilee quickly shoots the one that did not make this noble suggestion, which unfortunately was the real Logan. It’s a subversion of the usual hero tropes that I found genuinely clever. Morph escapes in the stolen Blackbird, and Beast reasons that they’re heading to Cyclops.

Morph arrives at Sinister’s lair and menaces the Summerses. It doesn’t quite go the way they planned. Scott’s shock and remorse is at odds with the image that Morph has of him in their head, and it’s giving them something of a split personality. Meanwhile, the cavalry arrives and fights The Nasty Boys (Nasty Boys). It’s not a great fight, but the standout is Gorgeous George and the impressive animation of his liquid body. He attempts to choke/drown Rogue and she spins him away like Wonder Woman.

Sinister, having gotten what he needs for now, decides everyone but Scott and Jean are expendable. Morph has a change of heart and tries to attack him, but to no avail—Sinister heals the injury with an ability cribbed straight from the T-1000. Cyclops displays his first-ever emotion (anger, over the threats to his loved ones), rips free of his restraints through the power of lazy writing, and gives Sinister a good lasering. To everyone’s surprise, especially Sinister’s, this does real damage to him, and he and his henchmen slither away. Morph, still grappling with his split personality, makes off in the jet. Jean does nothing. The writers forgot she was there.

This leaves the team to grapple, briefly, with the aftermath. Cyclops is angry that he and Jean aren’t “really” married, since the priest was a fake. It’s kid logic, I know, but come on. Wolverine resolves to find Morph and bring them back, because they were, “the only one who could ever make me laugh.” It’s a softer side to Wolverine that we’ve rarely seen, and I really like it, as will the writers of X-Men ‘97.

Meanwhile in Antarctica, Xavier finds a perfectly healthy Magneto, who is equally surprised to see Xavier unharmed. Before they can sort things out, they’re buried in an avalanche!

Stray observations:

• Beast wears a fedora and trench coat out. As Marissa Tomei once said, “Oh yeah. You blend.”

• Chris Britton’s smooth, sardonic performance as Mister Sinister (a role he reprises in X-Men ‘97) is simply delicious.

• I would not say that Cyclops finally getting good and angry is cool, per se, but it’s something.

• Several glaring plot holes in this episode.

  • It’s implied that Morph sent Scott and Jean to their honeymoon destination, but why would they have listened to a priest for vacation tips? Was Morph masquerading as a travel agent, too? Seems like a lot of work.

  • I’ll assume that the team was able to follow Morph back to Sinister’s lair because they probably have a tracking device in the Blackbird. Would have been nice to see it, though! Maybe have Beast frown thoughtfully at a ’90s tablet when he deduces that Morph has flown off to get to Cyclops.

  • Wolverine says he’d been tracking Jubilee to the FOH rally, but how would he have known to do that, since he left the mansion before she did?

  • How the hell does Cyclops just rip his restraints apart, as well as his collar? The collars explode if you don’t turn them off first!

  • By 1993, marriage licenses were legally mandated in all 50 states, you know?